my sad family problems

2am sleep will not come to me
because a comment i heard earlier today came into my mind
and caused a revelation.
it makes me very sad. i heard my dad call my mom a fat ass in a very mean hateful tone. he has always been this way, no surprise, but i just was finally able to realize he is a serial verbal abuser. the fact that my mom is married to this man, my mom, the sweetest, most maternal, delicate, fragile, innocent, LOVING, life giving, nurturing woman allows herself to be treated this way passively puts up with it. doesn't really stick up for herself, makes me ILL. and then it just got me thinking more and more deeply about my father and the fact that he is a troubled, obviously conflicted man. and that in turn made me even more sad, because deep down, my dad is a good man. it is hard and distressing to feel this way about him, because he's my daddy. i love him more than words. but i just have to get this out and reach out and ask for help on how to deal with this sensitive issue. early in my childhood, my dad became a reborn catholic. my grandparents (his parents) actually were reborn first, and then they converted him. they also tried to convert my mom, but she never did. she is agnostic to this day, and my dad is a psuedo christian to this day. this dynamic was very troubling and confusing to me growing up, but now i see how it aided in developing my worldly, open minded approach to spirituality today. my dad and grandparents are the type of catholic who believe anything other than their particular faith is of the devil. it is frustrating and impossible to try to peacefully discuss my religious beliefs with them. i avoid it, and what's really sad about that is that because of my avoidance it has created much distance between me, my grandparents, and my dad. our relationship can't be as open, honest, and loving as it should be because of it. i know that if it weren't for these religious tensions we would have a beautiful relationship. they don't understand my beliefs, and i don't understand theirs. i am peaceful, my father is not. yet he believes i am the one who is influenced more by "THE DEVIL" (gasp!). my father has always had an explosive temper that has ALWAYS been set of by the most trivial, fucking STUPIDEST, smallest details in the world. in my dad's eyes, if you make a mistake, you are an idiot. case closed. in my elementary years i was traumatized by the way my father handled my comprehension of certain lessons. if i didn't understand math problems in the first or second tries it would become a major dramatic scene from him. his frustration would cause him to yell at me that basically ended up with me believing there was something fundamentally wrong with me, wrong with my brain, that i was slow. i went through the rest of my academic years believing this. i didn't try hard in school because i believed i was already fucked because i was stupid. my dad had made that very clear to me. mind you this is a man who is very adamant about accepting the lord jesus christ into your life. all problems will be solved in that event, according to him. i've been good about turning my cheek and ignoring all these things for a long time now, but it's getting harder to do. i don't feel good for my mom. i don't feel good about the fact that i never visit my grandparents whom i really adore, because i know it will turn into converting me. they are getting older, not going to be around too much longer. i long to have a close relationship with them and my dad. this really breaks my heart. the part that makes it so hard is that my dad is really a good, nice, hard working admirable man deep down. his higher self is a beautiful soul. we have so much in common, so much of who i am is directly inherited from him. so it's hard to feel these things. he is a good man, but he carries hate and anger and fear in him. doesn't he ever realize this? he is totally homophobic and closed minded about so much. i'm so tired of easily offended catholics and christians!! god they make the world so unnecessarily fucking COMPLICATED! how can i, a 29 year old, be so much more aware and enlightened than my 54 year old father and close to 80 year old grandparents? that just makes no sense to me. you're supposed to be wiser with age i thought? my poor mommy. my father talks to her like she's a dim witted child. it's not all the time, but it's often. if anyone out there is reading this and has advice or any insight, please let me know. it would be greatly appreciated. i wish i could convince my father to get some kind of therapy, but i know he would never do that because of his pride.