fotzepolitik.

must get it out: feeling very emotional right now. fears. i hate fear. you know how sometimes if you let it, it feels like fear is going to swallow you alive? it's located in the heart chakra area...and i believe that is my hell. to be in fear is to be in my own personal hell. it's such negative, poor thinking too. because i do believe our thoughts manifest, and my fears are the last thing i would EVER want to manifest. so i must train myself to put a stop to them. seriously, dude.

i gotta change my thinking. god it KILLS me that my creative outlet is so squashed. i used to come up with the BEST ideas just like, without even trying. what the hell happened?? the creative drive can be so illusive in my life, and why is that? what is happening in my life that it seems to come around less and less and less...it bothers me SO--OH!

it is the most important thing in the entire WORLD to me to do well for my son. i am 100% determnined to NOT LET HIM DOWN. i want him to grow up and be proud of his mama. i want him to grow up in the most blissfully happy of circumstances, with the most creative, abstract, uniquely fabulously beautiful childhood. i can do this. i will do this. just have to get the foundation of this life in order. and that is vital. travis and i must get to EXACTLY where we want to be, where we are:
1. making a decent living
2. in a healthy, fun, beautiful atmosphere (as in NOT fresno)

if we have these two things, the rest should all come easily. and that is only 2 things, really that is such a low, do-able number of things to get done. granted, they can be somewhat difficult things, but it's still only 2 things! we can't be all talk though, we have to ACT we HAVE TO ACT NOW! i will get back to you on this. please wish us luck, send us postive motivating vibes, think good thoughts for us. as trav said in his entry, God is within us...we have the utmost potential for absolute greatness because WE ARE GOD. WE ARE ONE. Peace Love and Namaste. Goodnight.